Legion Movie Review

 

Angels are the new demons. In truth, straight to video followers have known this since The Prophecy swooped down in 1995. There’s nothing in Scott Stewart’s directorial debut to match the black comedy swagger of that stylish low budgeter, and Paul Bettany’s heavenly rebel pales in comparison to the gloriously laidback malevolence of Christopher Walken’s anti-angel. That said, Legion isn’t without a little light controversy and some interesting ideas.

The film’s Christian-baiting premise is a simple one. God has grown weary of mankind’s selfish warring, so he sends a legion of angels to cull his creations. However, the archangel Michael (Paul Bettany), the bearded one’s favourite but most rebellious charge, spies a new Messiah on the way and a new hope for humanity. Too late, says God. A bit miffed, Michael does what any self-respecting fallen angel would do: he cuts off his wings and goes looking for Jesus 2. Meanwhile, expecting mum Charlie (Adrianne Palicki) wiles away the time working in a rundown diner in the middle of the desert, where she smokes lots of fags and reluctantly lives with her inarticulate boyfriend, Jeep (Lucas Black). With the fate of the world hanging in the balance and the angels about to lay siege on the diner, can Michael keep these white trash heroes alive long enough to bring about the third coming?

Paradise Falls Diner: Subtle this movie is not

You have to take your hat off to any film that provokes the ire of Christian groups before it’s even released. One critic went as far as to claim “It is as if the only goal of executives at Sony Pictures is to slap God in the face with its new movie and anger Christians everywhere. It sure has worked” If God has any sense then he’ll know not to worry about the blasphemous content of Legion; as Michael retorts to one non-believer questioning the existence of God, “Well, that’s just fine, Bob. He doesn’t believe in you either.” I’m siding with God on this one, Bob. The furore definitely died down when the film hit cinemas – there’s nothing like deflecting religious criticism by making a bad film. What could have been a genuinely interesting match-up between Christian and atheist commentators became a mere footnote.

Angels possess 'The weakest' members of society to do their evil bidding: these include old ladies, kids, ice cream men and metallers, for shame!

There are numerous problems to list, but the film’s biggest failing is its total and abject failure to bring interesting characters to the table; they’re an identikit bunch of ciphers taken from hundreds of sci-fi action movies since the eighties, and Terminator in particular. Imagine if Sarah Connor broke down in that Mexican service station, substitute cyborgs for angels, and you’re getting there. Whenever the film shifts the attention from the action (of which there is little) to the characters (of which there are too many), the film sags heavily. 

Only the extras truly understand the horror of Legion

The formula works like this: character seems like a dick, they reveal their reasons, commits an act of self-sacrifice and dies. This would be fair enough if any of them were worth caring about, but their back stories never ring true – Tyrese Gibson’s custody-battling hip-hop wannabe is embarrassingly thin. Only old hands Charles S. Dutton as the diner’s hook-handed grill man, and world weary owner Dennis Quaid, rise above the limited confines of the underwritten script. Protagonists Charlie and Jeep fare the worst. The Mary and Joseph of the piece are a couple of white trash losers with little to say or do, except smoke fags and look surprised until plot point two.

If the filmmakers seriously believe that Legion’s subtext of parental responsibility and coming-of-age inheritance holds up then they should be crucified. To name a character after an off-road vehicle is just cruel; it’s bad enough that Jeep didn’t sow the seed, so why compound his misery further? Wisely, we’re never introduced to God, the biggest daddy of them all, but we do get a look at Gabriel. So often the reluctant and rebellious son in films like The Prophecy and Dogma, here he’s a bit of a daddy’s boy, following God’s ruling to the letter of the law. Perhaps the best thing about Gabriel is that he fights like Batfink. 

Michael and Gabriel: the movie gently hints at a romantic past between the muscular angels - have they got the genitals to make it anything other than platonic, though?

Speaking of action, for a siege movie, Legion is rather light on violence. Whenever a dust-up occurs, it’s invariably night time and the lights aren’t working. Blame budgetary restraints if you will, but I suspect that the absence of creative action is as much down to a paucity of directorial vision and originality in the script as it is a lack of reddies. The film isn’t without moments of flair and fun, though: an explosion leaves a satisfyingly crucifix-shaped hole in the wall; a grotesque swarm of flies infiltrates a moving vehicle full of people; a possessed old lady calls someone a ‘C***’, bites a neck and then climbs the walls. There are enough moments to keep the attention, but these are almost superfluous to the plot. If someone had spent more time investing the film with these touches throughout, cut down on the number of characters, and given us a bit more action then we could’ve had a decent movie on our hands.

Reminds me of my gran - hell of a woman

Legion’s director Scott Stewart and star Paul Bettany are soon to release their next collaboration, Priest, based on a Korean manhwa comic. Let’s hope that the pair have learned some lessons from this experience.